Years of suicide support has shown me trauma finds relief in the present moment. These are the best tips I have to help you relieve people in distress.

1 >> Listen To Apply Your Imagination

If I can’t picture what someone’s life is like, right now, I’m not doing it right.

Maybe I’ve heard about trauma, or a great loss, or something happening. That gives me context. How well can I imagine their present moment? Are they currently in the bathroom? As they tell me this story, what kinds of pain are under the surface? Grief, numbness, anger…?

‘It sounds like you feel overwhelmed’ is the most overused reflection it’s almost meaningless.

2 >> Keep Yourself Grounded In Your Body, Not Your Mind

It’s much less about what I say than it is about how I be.

Listening to my body informs how well I’m listening to the other person. The trick is to recognise and acknowledge any ‘noise’ such as judgements and opinions to put them aside.

Putting aside my own thoughts means I can let my feelings inform and direct my curiosity.

3 >> Tie What You Hear Into The Present Moment

Here’s some sentence stems to help you turn a conversation toward the now, if you like them – please rewrite them in your own words:

• I’m hearing you’ve been through xyz, what’s it been like sharing that with me today?
• So much has happened with xyz, what feelings come up when you tell me that now?
• It’s clear how devastating xyz has been, how have the flashbacks been affecting you today?

Helping others through trauma requires you to get comfortable leaning into discomfort.