We all slip out of alignment with the framework sometimes.
Perhaps we get caught up in a story.
Maybe we offer some advice, moving away from collaboration toward direction.
Could be we don’t feel comfortable to sit with a help seeker saying brutally critical things about themselves, so we accidentally deny their feelings in an attempt to make them (read: ourselves) feel better.
However it shows up, we’ve all slipped out of the framework in one way or another.
Nobody’s perfect.
By the time you finish reading this, you’ll have a simple mental model to help clarify those moments of misalignment and offer a powerful analogy to help you reflect with your supports.
So what exactly is the framework?
You can think of it like a scaffold between you and the help seeker.
It’s the structure around the journey you’re having.
It holds the two of you up, keeps it appropriate and most importantly it keeps you out of danger.
When your conversation is aligned within the framework, you’re safe.
By focusing on the here and now, you minimise the chances of retraumatisation and stay alert to capacity for safety.
By building empathic connection, you maximise the chances of lowering distress.
By leaving out your suggestions and resisting the temptation to offer solutions, you allow people the space to feel truly empowered.
The framework marks the edges of the journey we’re walking together. If we stray off the pathway of care, we risk doing harm, outside of the safety of the framework.
This might look like any number of things.
Collusion, not staying present, falling into passive listening, there are many forms this can take.
All of these examples indicate we are no longer aligned to our help seeker within the framework.
So how do we get ourselves back in alignment within the framework?
It’s going to be different for everyone, we’ve all got different methods and techniques that work for us. Some like to visualise letting go of our emotions, others like to plant their feet, or even stand up, I prefer to keep the framework front and centre in my gaze while working and treat it like a literal map.
Whatever works for you, works for you.
The flip side might be those seeking help aren’t aligned within the framework.
Maybe they’re unable to connect due to heightened emotions, no matter how patiently or firmly you’ve tried. Maybe they can’t help but yell abuse. Maybe their speech is too slurred for you to understand, whatever it happens to be, a barrier is a barrier.
When your help seeker is currently outside of alignment and they’re not within the framework for whatever reason, all you can do is invite them back in.
Let the 3 tier approach guide you.
Label, barrier, consequence.
Label the barrier to connection – whatever that happens to be – and if you’re respectful and compassionate it might just be enough for them to step over that barrier and come back into alignment, back into the safety of the framework.
Our practice model can be thought of as a framework along a pathway, like the barriers and supports holding up a walk through the forest. As crisis supporters, it’s up to us to make sure we stay within the framework, where we do no harm, yet it’s also up to us to do what we can to invite our counterpart within the framework, where they’re safe.
What we’re always looking for – regardless of the interaction – is alignment within the practice framework.
So next time something goes wrong when you’re holding space for someone seeking help, ask yourself afterward ‘Did one or both of us fall out of alignment with the framework? What could I have done to change that?’
This post is written specifically for crisis support and mental health work, if you’d like to read more, click here.
I would really appreciate every stray thought and piece of feedback you have so please do reach out via socials if you’d like to chat.