Acknowledge with empathy and validation first. Only then will attempts at bringing focus to the present moment become meaningful.

1 >> What impact has that had on you recently, like this past hour?

I’m trying to draw attention to the present.

I might start by asking how it’s affected things in a wider way, like this past week. After that, it’s easier to ask about the present.

2 >> What feelings have those memories / stories / events been pulling up for you this morning?

I can draw someone’s attention to the fact that they’re telling me a memory but I have to keep it validating.

Trauma feels very real to someone reliving it. This isn’t a fault. It’s an absolutely normal even standard response to something awful.

Our brain basically needs us to know ‘Don’t repeat this!’ and gets stuck on that lesson.

3 >> How have you been feeling as you share with me this past few minutes?

Sometimes I catch myself hoping for an ‘improvement’ in their mood!

This desire only inhibits my ability to truly listen. I know I’m tuned in when it doesn’t feel like a personal failure that things are still bad. I know I’m really tuned in when this strengthens my curiosity to try to listen and understand.

Empathy comes from informed imagination, it’s up to us to make sure our imagination has the right information.