It feels dreadful to think I could have done better for someone in their darkest hour. Hopefully this essay series helps you learn about offering referrals with a little less heartbreak.

By letting go of my agenda to always give referrals, my support became much higher quality. I started listening more deeply and validating from the heart.

1 >> Therapy Styles. It helps to feel the different nuances and ‘flavours’ between one style and the next. This will inform how you listen to someone in crisis. You can do a little YouTube research to learn about different therapy styles.

2 >> Triage. Separating the urgent from the important will allow you to lower someone’s distress enough that they can truly receive a referral. Often people would rather ignore these tough feelings, it’s up to you to make it safe enough they can face them.

3 >> Hear Desire. People always want something to change. When you help them label the conflict / tension they’re in, it’s much easier to find out realistically ‘what support would you really like?’ Now you have meaningful context for a referral.

4 >> Find Strengths. Each of us has a near infinite pool of strengths, sometimes we just can’t see them if life beats us up too hard. Be sure to reflect their strengths at a level of brightness they can handle, too strong and your words become unbelievable.

5 >> SFTU. By seeking first to understand you give people the chance to tell you exactly what they need, what they’re open to, what they believe is best for them. Offer back the combination of what you’ve listened to, including their needs, strengths and limits, rather than just the name of some service.

What else would you like to read about? I’d love to hear what you’re curious to know. 👇🏽👀💜