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In Crisis Support How Do You Validate Without Colluding?
When starting out in crisis support, it’s difficult not to relate. I would hear something heart breaking and want to say ‘Hey, me too!’ but was told this isn’t appropriate… After years of service and many hundreds of conversations, I can confirm; it is inappropriate! But for so many of us (myself included) it can…
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Stop Trying To Improve Until You’ve Done This
Nobody starts out ‘good’ at crisis support. At least, nobody in the hundreds I’ve mentored, trained or watched go through the journey. When we’re early in – taking those first tentative steps – the expectations we place on ourselves can really hurt. When I first came through I found it incredibly disheartening if things didn’t…
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Responsibility To Increase Ease + Quality Of Your Suicide Support
The biggest barrier to developing non-judgement is the burden of self awareness Learning to hold non-judgemental space for people can be incredibly uncomfortable and confronting. This discomfort begins with self discovery. Its clear we need to let go of our biases, judgements and even the roles we think we have to play (and therefore our…
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3 Keys To Navigating Conversations About Suicide
1. When people are suicidal, they don’t need solutions. Suicidal people don’t feel connected. Suicide is the ultimate form of withdrawal. People withdraw in greater and more devastating ways until finally they withdraw from life itself. If you’re trying to help someone, resist the temptation to provide answers, advice and solutions. Focus on how you…
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Release Unrealistic Expectations For Better Crisis Support
When I first started volunteering in suicide support I struggled to stop offering advice. I’d get feedback from my coach regularly; We let them come to their own answers and solutions We’re not here to solve peoples problems In non-judgement, we hold space for people without expecting a ‘resolution’ My own expectations were constantly setting…
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Provide Suicide Support Without The Collusion Guilt-Trap
Social dynamics of power. To understand collusion, think of what happens when someone has what another wants. A home, food, sex or even validation and support. If you have what someone wants, you have more power than them. No need to judge or fight this, it’s a basic truth. Suicide supporters have a unique power…
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Non-Judgement Is Unnatural But Don’t Let That Fool You
Non-judgement is at the core of any good therapists Jedi mind tricks, but why are we so susceptible to their magic? They make you feel heard, understood and validated. This must say something about how you felt beforehand. Unheard? Misunderstood? Invalidated? The world is full of people who don’t listen, because they don’t know how…
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How ‘Noise’ Distracts You From Really Hearing Young People
I’m about to tell you how you’re the roadblock, but why should you listen to me? Listening to young people can be tough, I would know because I gave countless adults that exact grief as they tried and failed to ‘listen’. I was forced by my school to see counsellors and had a reputation for…
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Step One Of ‘What To Listen To’ In Suicide Prevention
First key concept: Signal is what you hear Everything you hear coming from the other person is ‘signal’, there’s no better way to find out what’s meaningful than tuning in to their words. It may seem obvious, but to do this well is actually incredibly advanced. If someone ever told you about a bad day…
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Reading Psych Books Opened My Mind to Shallow Therapies
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) always felt ‘icky’ to me Of course I didn’t challenge its efficacy. The evidence is overwhelming. Yet something didn’t sit right. Was it too shallow? Was it too wide spread? Were there too many simplistic, reductionist options? Looking around, it seemed so shallow and troubling I eventually came to feel the…
