⚠ How does that make you FEEL? ⚠
The most common phrase used when taking the mickey out of therapists everywhere.
It’s spicy territory! When I first started in anonymous support work, older men would hang up on me all the time. We’d be talking about things that happened, grief, loss, health issues, and get to the inevitable awkward spot where I want to know more about how it makes them feel. You know, their emotions.
It took me listening to dial tone countless times to realise… I need a more sophisticated way of asking!
Why are people so resistant to the F word, anyway?
Because feelings suck.
After a lifetime of conditioning, an invalidating childhood and a culture of creating and perpetuating masks to keep up appearances, people from all groups and demographics struggle to open up. So fair enough that someone gets pissed when you ask them how they feel! It goes against their entire social conditioning to talk about about it.
It’s not up to them to know how to open up, it’s up to us as listeners to help them open up.
These sentence stems will help you to explore similar territory, without the F bomb.
Disclaimer, create your own sentence stems! In fact, if you use these I implore you rewrite in your own words:
- With xyz happening, what has that been like for you?
- Since xyz last month, what impact has that had on you?
- You’ve mentioned about xyz, what comes up for you now as you share?
- You’ve thought about xyz all day, how have your thoughts affected things today?
- You mention they said xyz, what response happened inside when you heard that?
That’s enough to get you started. Drop your own ideas below! 👇🏽