I still remember the first call I ever answered.

At the end, I let out a huge sigh of defeat.

My coach asked me to reflect on how it went. I unleashed a torrent. ‘I messed this part up, failed to do this, wish I’d not said that’. It went on and on until finally she asked me a question I remember still, it shook me so deeply.

‘What did you do well?’

This question revealed me to myself.

I’ve since learned to name the demon she uncovered: Unrelenting Standards.

At the time I was gobsmacked. What did I do well? Anything? Anything at all? My call coach let me think for a while before listing off a bunch of things she noticed. ‘They opened up. They shared stuff they hadn’t told anyone else. They thanked you after.’ That list went on too.

The evidence was all there… I just couldn’t see it.

To improve my self image, I needed to improve my self worth.

It took me six months of showing up before I had a shift where I couldn’t pick myself apart.

I don’t think my skillset changed that much. I still made small mistakes here and there, there was still plenty I could improve. What changed over that first six months was my mindset. I had proven I could show up for people. Again and again.

I learned that in order to give compassion to others I needed to give to myself.