When starting out in crisis support, it’s difficult not to relate.

I would hear something heart breaking and want to say ‘Hey, me too!’ but was told this isn’t appropriate…

After years of service and many hundreds of conversations, I can confirm; it is inappropriate! But for so many of us (myself included) it can be really tough to figure out exactly how to validate someone’s pain without colluding.

It’s possible and actually quite simple.

Replace confirming opinions with validating emotions.

If someone asks for your opinion, what are they really asking for?

They’re almost always looking for reassurance. I’ve found it incredibly helpful to redirect attention away from opinions towards emotions. When done right, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are because I can’t confirm or deny. That’s for a lawyer or therapist etc (someone long term).

But I can always at the very least reassure them their feelings are always valid.

But what’s the real problem with confirming opinions about circumstances?

It’s just not a battle you can win in crisis support.

You’re either going to confirm their victimhood or try to challenge and change their frame of reality. If you’re doing the former, please stop! If you’re doing the latter, you’ll find it much easier to validate their feelings first.

Once people feel validated and connected, their thinking mind comes back online and the crisis has passed.