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Why Couldn’t I Let Go Of Happy Sad Man?
Happy Sad Man is a beautiful, moving portrait of masculinity. But… that alone doesn’t explain the mystery of why I found it SO captivating. Allow me to get a little reflective here and pour these thoughts into the internet. I’m trying to capture precisely what it is about this film that has slipped through my…
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How To Finally Stop Asking ‘Why’ To People In Crisis
‘Why do you think he lied to me?’ she asked yet again, as though we hadn’t covered it a hundred times this week. My eyes wanted to roll as far back into my head as they could, I didn’t let them. I’d been here so many times in my life, with my mum, my exes,…
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3 Ways To Support In The Present Moment
Years of suicide support has shown me trauma finds relief in the present moment. These are the best tips I have to help you relieve people in distress. 1 >> Listen To Apply Your Imagination If I can’t picture what someone’s life is like, right now, I’m not doing it right. Maybe I’ve heard about…
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Simplify Suicide Support With The Scientist / Friend Model
Validation is surprisingly easy to overlook when learning non-judgement! I kept getting told collusion can be really dangerous in anonymous support, now I get why. Anonymity means as a listener I have to navigate lack of culpability! Collusion has to be consciously resisted or else I can do harm. When I first started I often…
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3 Tips To Ease Your Journey Into Mental Health Work
1. Forge time for self care – support work does not reward sacrifice, it rewards boundaries. We are caregivers, that’s why we’re here. However if we don’t figure out how to give to ourselves first, we wont be here for long. Your organisation, or pro health network, your workplace or place of worship, at the…
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In Crisis Support How Do You Validate Without Colluding?
When starting out in crisis support, it’s difficult not to relate. I would hear something heart breaking and want to say ‘Hey, me too!’ but was told this isn’t appropriate… After years of service and many hundreds of conversations, I can confirm; it is inappropriate! But for so many of us (myself included) it can…
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Stop Trying To Improve Until You’ve Done This
Nobody starts out ‘good’ at crisis support. At least, nobody in the hundreds I’ve mentored, trained or watched go through the journey. When we’re early in – taking those first tentative steps – the expectations we place on ourselves can really hurt. When I first came through I found it incredibly disheartening if things didn’t…
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3 Keys To Navigating Conversations About Suicide
1. When people are suicidal, they don’t need solutions. Suicidal people don’t feel connected. Suicide is the ultimate form of withdrawal. People withdraw in greater and more devastating ways until finally they withdraw from life itself. If you’re trying to help someone, resist the temptation to provide answers, advice and solutions. Focus on how you…
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Release Unrealistic Expectations For Better Crisis Support
When I first started volunteering in suicide support I struggled to stop offering advice. I’d get feedback from my coach regularly; We let them come to their own answers and solutions We’re not here to solve peoples problems In non-judgement, we hold space for people without expecting a ‘resolution’ My own expectations were constantly setting…
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Provide Suicide Support Without The Collusion Guilt-Trap
Social dynamics of power. To understand collusion, think of what happens when someone has what another wants. A home, food, sex or even validation and support. If you have what someone wants, you have more power than them. No need to judge or fight this, it’s a basic truth. Suicide supporters have a unique power…
