If the message isn’t landing, try tone it down.

When I first started in crisis support work I used to blast people with compliments.

I’d line up my reflections about them like I had a big fire-hose to douse the inferno of low self worth. Then I’d let them have it. Often this just fell flat and didn’t really help, maybe even made things worse…

Now I’m a lot more gentle and subtle when giving compliments to someone in crisis.

What exactly does that sound like?

Here are some examples of turning down the pressure on the compliment fire-hose. This is an art, not a science. Please remember there’s no one size fits all:

❌ You’re so incredibly courageous for sharing this with me.

✔ Thank you for opening up with me.

Both examples reflect the same strength (openness), but the tone is very different.

❌ I wish I was half as brave as you are.

✔ It sounds like you’ve come so far -between that first stay in hospital- and tonight.

Comparing them to ourselves just removes focus from them.

❌ You’re such a survivor to make it through that!

✔ I hear how hard you’ve struggled to cope.

Sometimes, validating struggle is much more empowering than highlighting power.

As always, don’t beat yourself up. Learn with intention, develop specific skills and keep growing.

What would you like to read about next? 👀👇🏽💜