Have you ever given a compliment to someone only to have them deflect it – or worse?

When I first started in suicide prevention I learned about ‘reaffirming strengths’ and quickly got stars in my eyes. 😂

‘You mean… making people feel good is a SKILL SET?!’ I was off like a firecracker. Ready to learn! After months of training, when I finally got on the phones I had a rude awakening. 🤦🏽‍♂️

Lifting someone’s self image isn’t as simple as just telling them their strengths!

Receiving compliments has a cost!

If someone will pick up what you put down, there’s stuff they need first:

• Enough self worth & image
• Energy has to match (overly positive wont cut it!)
• Enough trust built

This was a tough one to learn! First I needed to see what was invisible: that my own self worth stopped me from seeing how complements feel to other people.

Thousands of hours of Crisis Support showed me a powerful way to complement someone.

Sneak it in a question!

Here’s some examples.

• I can hear how tough it’s been to open up, raised with so little validation. How have you managed to open up with us tonight?
• It’s clear how difficult even the basics have become, like getting out of bed. What gave you the energy to reach out to us today?
• It sounds like the pressure has been mounting on all sides to keep quiet. Where did you find the courage to open up with us?

Quid pro quo! Since I gave the answers, you supply the working out.

What did you notice in the examples? 👇🏽