‘Stop beating yourself up’ is good advice… until it isn’t.

It works for anyone with an intermediate level of self awareness and compassion… or at least emotional regulation.

In other words, this advice fails most who hear it. Probably, it fails you too.

Advice so simple misses the importance of the following complexity; if you have judgemental, critical thoughts – listen to them. Squashing the painful judgement helps in the short term, but in the long term it gets you no closer to what that judgement is really trying to say; ‘please live by your values.’

You’ll make far greater progress toward your ambitions by accepting the coexistence of two contradictory thoughts;
1. I am enough as I am
2. I want to live by a higher standard

It may not feel like it, but they are not mutually exclusive. Finding the space for both offers the psychological safety required to make sustainable, long term progress and lower the risk of burn out.

If you hold judgemental thoughts critical of your external (behaviour / affect etc) or internal (feelings / thinking etc) then listen to those judgements without attachment to those emotions. Again, this is complex. Allow failure. Encourage it.

Self kindness doesn’t have to mean making excuses for weakness.

Wanting to progress doesn’t have to mean feeling worthless.

It is a complex picture, but you can start immediately by throwing ‘should’ in the trash and setting goals so small they become atomic.