Firstly, gratitude

As I write this I’m able to look up from my laptop at a beautiful view. Bright, sharp sunlight brings out a variety of rich greens across Kangaroo Point. The evil Telstra building stares down ominously with it’s insane array of coms dishes like Sauron’s Eye.

And I’m lucky to be here.

My life has taken so many turns for the better this year. Being a healer in a time of global crisis is truly a privilege. It’s a weird thing to hold, recognising selfishly with such gratitude that I couldn’t have done so much healing without the need for it to be done. The fact that I’ve been able to make an income providing support to others, it sits in an odd space. Gratitude mixed with almost a sense of guilt or.. thinking I should feel guilt about it.

The truth is, life has been kind to me. I’ve worked incredibly hard this year and it’s paid off. Both personally and professionally. It hasn’t been without challenges, switching gears and trying to create stability in my relationship, adjusting to new roles and rapid changes at work, learning that I’m big enough emotionally to support those I love has meant discovering I must also support myself and value my own worth – enough to set aside conscious time and build intention into the day.

For work and finance…

This year.. I’ve worked harder than ever before. Taking on as much work as I’ve been allowed. I started the year working seven nights a week, which I kept up for roughly a total of six months. Since quitting security work I’ve started a website which I needed to let languish due to my struggle with time management and taking on study for work. Study which I’ve struggled with.

I thought this would be the year of investing money after learning about it for years prior. I saved and saved, then decided on a dime that I’d start a website. Poured my money into it, wrote two things and didn’t visit it since.

I’ve since saved and saved, thinking again I’d invest in companies yet once again I find myself drawn to pouring that money into myself. In my tracking and hobbies. I set out at the beginning of this year to pour my energy into my hobbies and haven’t been able to do that at all. A mixture of stress, changes and poor time management. A lot of allowing comfort to take control rather than choosing the courageous and difficult route.

In not pursuing my own passions I’ve taken great advantage of career opportunities. My hard work has paid off in ways I can hardly imagine.. Not just in work too.

In love

My relationship with money has served me well this year. Having more money has meant I’ve been able to support my roommate through her own hardships. We’re building a partnership which surprisingly to both of us reflects some very traditional roles and yet we’re both finding such nourishment and support in who we’re becoming and what we’re doing together.

We’ve gone through huge ups and downs, her battle with addiction and attachment to a toxic relationship has humbled me. Watching her overcome incredible difficulties and blossom I find myself deeply grounded in the security of what we’ve made together. Our relationship has evolved in many ways. I can feel it taking root.

I realised just the other day that I’m literally living my fantasies of a few years ago. Practicing magic bringing psychology and healing together and mixing it all with sex, it’s something I would have written about as a fan fiction, yet it’s my life now.

Here’s a vague sense of the goals I set out to achieve early in 2020;

• To build my social media presence and implement the things I was learning about online marketing and shipping content.
• To focus on photography as a hobby with dreams of creating a business.
• To work toward a promotion and landing supervisor role within the next few years.
• To invest money in companies.
• To write habitually creating content for consumption.
• To familiarise myself with video and photography (all aspects).
• To make myself available to support my loved ones.

Here’s what I achieved;

Going forward

I will set out with goals much more intentionally this year. Here they are;

• Save $5000 emergency cash
• Purchase the last remaining things I want for video
• Publish 10 articles
• Revamp saidwithcourage.com
• Smash out my TAE studies
• Write a sequence of 20 emails curating courage
• Video, write about and otherwise publish five N-of-1 experiments
• Upload 30 videos to youtube